by: John Sciacca

Back when the concept of home theater was really catching on, one of the selling catchphrases used to help justify the expense was that “a home theater is the swimming pool of the 90s.” I believe I even used it in a column at some point. The idea was, instead of dropping $15-20 grand on a pool, invest that in a home theater. Great, huh?

But now that I think about it, this is a poor analogy. First, pools are frickin’ expensive. And I’m not talking crazy, Hugh-Hefner-and-the-swim-in-grotto pools. An in-ground pool can easily run well over $50,000. Granted, you can drop that kind of coin on a theater as well, but you can get something really impressive for a good bit less. Second… Well, lots of reasons. As someone who owns both a swimming pool and a home theater, I’d like to tell you why owning a home theater is oh so much better than a pool.

Pools require constant care

Skimming, vacuuming, brushing, backwashing, chemicals, etc. It’s always something. The only care my theater requires is remembering to put the remote on the charging cradle.

Everyone enjoys watching movies

There are a lot of people who don’t want to go swimming. Whether it’s body issues or not wanting to mess their hair or whatever, some people just won’t go swimming. Everyone will sit and watch a movie.

It’s never too cold for your home theater

Unless you have a heater – ka-ching! – there will be many months of the year when you can’t use a swimming pool. Conversely, the weather is always perfect in my theater.

No one will ever drown in my theater

Being able to leave my 2 year old unattended in the theater is a pretty major difference.

You don’t feel like your home theater is out to get you

My pool is vindictive. I don’t know why, but it is. When it senses I’m about to leave town, it likes to break. Preferably over the weekend when it’s impossible to get a replacement part. This also leads to…

You’ll never come home and find your home theater has turned green or black

The first thing I do when returning home from vacation is check my pool. I’ve found dead animals in the filter, a broken glass table resting on the bottom and once the dreaded black water when my pump stopped running for two weeks. My theater? Fires up perfectly every time no matter how long I’m away.

No one tracks water into my house when watching a movie

Granted you might face the spilt beverage or overturned popcorn bowl, but these are relatively minor compared to wet people going in and out of the house to use the bathroom or grab a snack.

I don’t worry about anyone peeing in my theater

OK, my 2 year old has peed on the floor of my theater, but still.

by John Sciacca

Remote controls are such a great idea, that we have decided that virtually everything needs one. Lights, ceiling fans, car starters, dog training collars, and of course every piece of consumer electronics known to man. There are even remote devices to help you find your other remotes. Surely, when the alien overlords come to enslave us all, they will take a look at the heaps of these discarded remotes littering coffee tables across the land and know that we are one lazy bunch. Actually, this might ultimately save us, since our obvious laziness will show that we probably aren’t going to be much good as slaves anyhow, but…

With that in mind, the idea of purchasing another remote might smack of Caligula-level excess, but many times that is exactly what is needed. To paraphrase my favorite bit of Middle-earth poetry, what many people need is “One remote to rule them all.”

Modern systems are so complex that they need one remote that can play quarterback to everything. Even something “simple” like watching TV can require five or more button presses on three different remotes. The good news is that there are many great remotes under $500 that can tame even the unruliest of systems.

But if you want total control, you might need to step up to a controller that costs $1000 or more. These remotes add features like radio frequency for “no pointing” operation, source power sensing and logic to know when to turn components on or when to leave them alone and RS-232 and IP control for even better communication with your system.

Further as homes continue to get smarter, everything becomes more intricately interconnected. And if you don’t want your home becoming totally self-aware and sending Terminators back from the future to attack your ancestors, then you better make sure you can control everything. And this is where the smartest of remotes come in, capable of interfacing with all manner of your home’s sub-systems: lighting, HVAC, surveillance and security, irrigation, pool and spa control, etc.

In the end, the best remotes allow you to truly enjoy your system instead of studying for the doctoral exam of figuring out how to operate it, and that makes a great remote one of the smartest investments you’ll ever make.