
by: John Sciacca
Back when the concept of home theater was really catching on, one of the selling catchphrases used to help justify the expense was that “a home theater is the swimming pool of the 90s.” I believe I even used it in a column at some point. The idea was, instead of dropping $15-20 grand on a pool, invest that in a home theater. Great, huh?
But now that I think about it, this is a poor analogy. First, pools are frickin’ expensive. And I’m not talking crazy, Hugh-Hefner-and-the-swim-in-grotto pools. An in-ground pool can easily run well over $50,000. Granted, you can drop that kind of coin on a theater as well, but you can get something really impressive for a good bit less. Second… Well, lots of reasons. As someone who owns both a swimming pool and a home theater, I’d like to tell you why owning a home theater is oh so much better than a pool.

Pools require constant care
Skimming, vacuuming, brushing, backwashing, chemicals, etc. It’s always something. The only care my theater requires is remembering to put the remote on the charging cradle.
Everyone enjoys watching movies
There are a lot of people who don’t want to go swimming. Whether it’s body issues or not wanting to mess their hair or whatever, some people just won’t go swimming. Everyone will sit and watch a movie.
It’s never too cold for your home theater
Unless you have a heater – ka-ching! – there will be many months of the year when you can’t use a swimming pool. Conversely, the weather is always perfect in my theater.
No one will ever drown in my theater
Being able to leave my 2 year old unattended in the theater is a pretty major difference.
You don’t feel like your home theater is out to get you
My pool is vindictive. I don’t know why, but it is. When it senses I’m about to leave town, it likes to break. Preferably over the weekend when it’s impossible to get a replacement part. This also leads to…
You’ll never come home and find your home theater has turned green or black
The first thing I do when returning home from vacation is check my pool. I’ve found dead animals in the filter, a broken glass table resting on the bottom and once the dreaded black water when my pump stopped running for two weeks. My theater? Fires up perfectly every time no matter how long I’m away.
No one tracks water into my house when watching a movie
Granted you might face the spilt beverage or overturned popcorn bowl, but these are relatively minor compared to wet people going in and out of the house to use the bathroom or grab a snack.
I don’t worry about anyone peeing in my theater
OK, my 2 year old has peed on the floor of my theater, but still.